i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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