I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
