I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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