She's JV to your varsity
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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