i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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