My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
