you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
