OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
