Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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