i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
