she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
