Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
