I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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