Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The struggles of a small town man whore
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
