Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
