I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
