Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
