The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
we're making bets on your personal life
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
