Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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