Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
