Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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