Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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