and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
