Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
