This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
