Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
