Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
