Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
