They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
