I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
