I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
