u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
