I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
