If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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