come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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