dude i'm inner monologue high
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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