can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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