Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
