Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
