I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
