so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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