i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
