I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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