wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
