I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
