The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
