John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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