Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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