I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Is Oprah even human
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
