Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
