he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
