I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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