I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
