just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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