Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
