I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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