Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Everything about him screamed your future.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
