Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
