maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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