So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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